It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
