I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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