I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
