Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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