garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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