I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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