Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
