That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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