people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
