Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
