I faked an abortion last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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