just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
