I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
