Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
