mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
