I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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