he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
