U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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