there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
