ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
