I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I cockslap morals
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
