so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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