it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
