She is in my trunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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