Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
