Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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