When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
