I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
