And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
