You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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