So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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