is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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