dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
