Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
