69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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