he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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