Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
