my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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