Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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