I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
