well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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