I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
