I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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