Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
