Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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