We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
