It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
