Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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