I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
