Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
