I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
