well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
