I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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