Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
