I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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