I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
