ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
