i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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