hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
