so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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