i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
