so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
