Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
