he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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