I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
