All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
