Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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