we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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