YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
