I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
