My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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