That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
