i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
