Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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