I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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