"it" just moved
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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