can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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