i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
