Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
